As a college professor, I get this question at the start of every summer: "Are you off for the summer?"
And I really take a minute to think through that word, "off."
Let's see here. I'm mother to two elementary school aged children, wife, dog mom to three, active participant in my local church and choir director. This last one alone disqualifies me from this magical word, "off." As soon as one concert is done, I'm thinking about the next. That's what excites me! What new music do I get to program next.
All of that said, I really do feel fortunate (that is an understatement) to have the best of both worlds. During the school year, I get to drop off and pick up my kids from school most days and in the summer I am home with them most of the time. In our down time, which usually happens at 6am when the children are still sleeping, I work. My gracious mother-in-law takes them one day a week so that I can go into the office and get a good chunk of stuff done too. I get to mother and music.
But it's not all sunshine and rainbows. Sometimes one or the other is sacrificed. Or usually, it's the third that is sacrificed - my husband. So really this is a cautionary tale to all of you working moms out there. For me, it's a slow upward - and sometimes downward - climb of how to appreciate my partner in all of this.
I'm the type of person who has a list and I can't settle until all of the boxes are checked. The problem is that it seems there is always a running list which is challenging for me to set aside. I wouldn't describe myself as a type A; if I were of that type, I would probably get a whole lot more done. Rather, I'm a type B desiring to be a type A because of what my job requires. If I sit around and program concerts every day, I would be happy camper. My students, though, would not appreciate assignments being left ungraded, emails unanswered, and registration holds not lifted. These are what I find my mind being captivated with, the "what do I need to do next"? When things really pile up, I feel like I'm spinning in a frenzy but not getting anything done; I don't know where to start because there is so much to do!
The husband is patient with me and so very helpful in so many ways trying to assist in checking some of these boxes. I confuse that help with quality time which just isn't the same thing as going out for coffee or taking a walk.
Who is your partner in the work that you do? I have found that is so important to let the husband into my professional space, partly so that he knows more about what I do and partly so that he can help. Men need to feel helpful, just like women need to feel loved. He serves me every day and I am constantly feeling like I need to be more reciprocal. Perhaps that is one of the boxes I feel needs to be checked.
Like I said, this is an upward climb many days. I think that I am doing well to bring him in and be part of every space that occupy, but then festival season hits and my brain is mush. It is in those busiest of seasons that we take time to get away. We schedule a sitter on a whim and find a new place for dinner. In all honesty, our dates usually end at Home Depot or Lowes, but instead of thinking that we're so typically old and pathetic, we laugh together, while holding hands and walking through the big box store looking for our next project. I'm a dreamer and the husband knows that. He serves me by going to those stores and letting me dream about the dream kitchen that may or may not ever happen. I serve him by holding his hand and being present with him in that moment. The list is set aside. As my mom always says, "The house will still be dirty tomorrow." Well, for me the house is usually dirty, but I can tell myself that the unchecked boxes of life will still be there tomorrow, but I may not get the chance to hold my husband's hand, so I'm going to take the time now to do that.
This is a challenge to all of the working moms out there - the working outside the home type. When I say that I have struggled with the balance of this, I mean to stay that i drive the struggle every day. Just because I've written this post does not mean that I have reached nirvana in all things working motherhood. No, my dream friends, I have not and I probably never will and that's okay. My husband and kids know that I love them and that I do what I do, not always for me, but for others too. How is your work important? Does your family see that importance? Do you allow them to be your partners in it? It can sometimes be like having the children fold the clothes. They may not do it the way you want them to, but you're allowing them to take part which gives ownership. And the baseline is that they're taking part alongside you in your work.
So again, I ask myself how I should ask that question, "Are you off"? I certainly am "off" in the way that means I'm not quite right in the head, but no, I am not free from doing work in the summer. Family is work; marriage is work; passion is work. If I ever take off from any of these things, then I'm not being a good steward of that which the Lord has provided me.
In all of this, I'm reminded of Proverbs 16:3 - "Commit to the Lord whatever you do, and he will establish your plans." If you're doing kingdom work, the Lord will honor that by allowing your people to take part as well. Trust Him in that. Ask that He will order your steps in that. I'm reminded to do that again today, for no day takes a rest. Each must be prayed for earnestly through faith.
